It's been almost 5 years since our Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis. That day, the doctor told us that as he grows and develops, you'll notice some symptoms fade away, while others pop up. As some parts of his brain are stimulated, you'll notice meltdowns in other areas. So over the past 5 years, we've seen significant sensory processing issues, social anxiety, panic attacks, depression, food sensitivities, bipolar tendencies, ticks, dyslexia, focus issues, obsessive behaviors, and more... they ebb and flow. It's literally either one thing or another all the time. For 3-4 weeks we can't get this kid to wear pants... then for 3-4 weeks all he wants is to wear a fleece sweatsuit in July. He wants to be home all day... then he only wants to go places. For 2 months we have anxiety at school and reading delays... then he's suddenly the most popular kid in school and reading on grade level, but can't add numbers anymore. The really frustrating part is that it may switch from a more outward struggle, to an inward one, giving the impression that he's not "as bad"... until a few weeks later, he loses it and we're taken off guard. Life on the spectrum is a rollercoaster, to say the least.

We've found an amazing supplement and essential oil routine that has been the PERFECT foundation for him physically, mentally, and emotionally. I feel so blessed to have these options that give us control over our health. Without them, my son would be drugged 24-7 and I guarantee you, he would not be the same kid as he is today. If we medicated every symptom instead of learning how to support his body better, he would never have learned the coping strategies and skills that will now carry him through the rest of his life. Yes, it's hard, but as we say every day, "I can do hard things."

A strategy we began this past fall was positive affirmations. I mean, when your mom is a Doula, you get a few extra tricks. I use the same strategies with him as I do my clients. The key is to train your brain to respond to specific triggers when you need it. However, it won't work if you only use these tools during the bad times. You have to actually train yourself, so that your body knows THIS equals CALM, or THIS equals HAPPY. So we began combining doTERRA's Emotional Aromatherapy line of essential oils with positive affirmations every day. He has a routine of 3 oils that we place in specific locations. With each oil applied, he states his positive affirmation. Then, he holds all 3 under his nose, takes a deep breath, and recites all 3 affirmations. He does this 3 times. 

Every day. No matter what. I like him to do it every morning and every evening, but sometimes life gets busy so we take what we can get. I can't tell you what a difference it has made! We still have meltdowns and we still have moments, but what he has begun to do...
IS TRY!

​We were already using oils, but now that we've begun to be very strategic at using them, along with these affirmations, it has given him more control of the situation.
When he's scared... when he doesn't know what to say... when he is frustrated... 
no matter the circumstance, he knows he is strong, confident, and can do the hard things.

Two weeks ago, he started football. He's playing with his best friend at school... his FIRST friend that the has ever made on his own, without it just being one of my friends' kids. He made a friend. He had this friend over during spring break (another first) and made a list of about 20 things they would do together. This list included "have a chugging contest", "lightsaber battle", "teach him how to armpit fart"... it was one of the greatest days of my life to watch him play, giggle, and armpit fart with his friend. He's doing the hard things!

Last week, he was chosen to do the announcements and pledges over the intercom at school. He woke up that morning having an anxiety attack. I wasn't sure what was going to happen. So we did like 5 sets of oils/affirmations, basically every half hour. I contacted a very special teacher at his school who he adores, and asked her if she could meet us at the door to help. She helped him take his stuff to class and take deep breaths. Then, I waited in the parking lot, because I knew I could hear the announcements and pledge from there. As they began, I heard a familiar voice. You guys. He was paired with his little bestie. They were doing the announcements together! Cue mommy crying in the parking lot. I was sent a text with the video from his special teacher and I have watched it probably ten times in the last week. He did hard things!

The biggest moment of pride though, came last night. It was the Second Grade Musical. My sweet boy, who can't handle crowds or loud noises or bright lights... stood on a stage, with a huge crowd of children and bright lights in his face, in front of an auditorium of people. He not only stood there, but he smiled, danced, wore a costume, SANG A DUET with another kid, and had a great time! You have to know that we were extremely nervous about this night. He insisted for weeks that it would be fine. In my heart, I want to push him to try things. In my heart I want to believe in him. In my head I thought, "NO! RUN!" Haha! What I love even more, is that he created one of the props for the program. Art and drawing is one way that he really is able to express himself. Music and art have been an outlet his whole life. He told me to watch for an orange snake that he made all by himself. I had no idea what he was talking about, but seeing that giant orange snake made me just smile.
HE DID HARD THINGS!
​He also did *his* thing. 

I have never been more proud of him. Yes, we have rough days. Yes, he struggles when we do anything outside of his normal routine. He has Autism Spectrum Disorder. He has Anxiety. He has Dyslexic and Bipolar tendencies. Those things are what he HAS.
But he doesn't let it define who he IS.

Challenge accepted.
​

If you've been following my posts, you know we have been walking through a lot of hard stuff with our 5 year old. 
We were told he has ADHD & is on the Autism Spectrum, both of which I have been frantically trying to learn about since that initial doctor visit in April. 


We were already experiencing the external things related with these:
Fits & tantrums
Obsessive behaviors
Exaggerated reactions
Lack of focus
Digestive issues
Social struggles
Extreme anxiety
Sensory overload


The thing I was not prepared for was how it would affect me in a mental and emotional way. 


SOMETIMES YOU CAN'T DO IT ALL.
I like to go. I don't sit still. I can't just do nothing! (Ahem, momma has ADHD too, if you haven't noticed) I like to have fun- the park, the zoo, the pool, crafts, and games... 
Most of all, I LOVE parties & events! 
But when my little monkey is having a rough day, sometimes we can't make that t-ball picnic happen. He needs a day off every 2-3 days where we don't go anywhere. On those days he plays by himself, he eats his favorite snacks, he picks what movie to watch at rest time, etc. And if he hasn't had a day off yet this week? You can bet whatever event we are at will not be fun for anyone... Momma in particular. Is it sad? Yep. Especially when it's a cousin's birthday party or a family function, but we have to do what's best for him, no matter who it upsets. 


PEOPLE DON'T ALWAYS GET IT. 
Even the person you would expect to understand, sometimes won't. 
*When your kids are playing and you mention a behavior issue you're dealing with, they're the one that responds with "oh, that's just his age!"  
*When you talk about your child's severe separation anxiety, that family member says "you know, the more you leave them the easier it gets." 
*Or when you tell this mom about your kiddo's social anxiety, she says "Oh... He's not on the spectrum. I think he's just shy!" 
The fact of the matter is, I might just need you to listen. I'm most likely not asking for advice from a parent who's child does NOT have special needs. You only see a part of my child's life, and you certainly do not see the struggles I face each and every day. To say those things, paints me as an over-reactor or that I am imagining these behaviors in my child! Yes, these might seem like normal "kid problems" to you, except for they are EXTREME. They are your child's fits & quirks times ten! FOR EXAMPLE...
My kid doesn't just want to pick his clothes out to be independent. He wears certain clothes bc pants without elastic send him over the edge, bc tags in his shirts make him scratch until he bleeds. I mean, at this very moment my son has had the same shirt on for 3 days bc he is so attached to it that changing said shirt would evoke a monumental meltdown, ending in him not eating the rest of the day because he's gotten so worked up that his stomach hurts! I'm not going to choose that fight. The shirt doesn't smell yet... Maybe I'll attempt it after bath tonight. ;) 
(I'm also learning that mom's often say these things because their child has similar behaviors, but they are TERRIFIED that there could be something "wrong" with their child.)


HE CAN'T "JUST LEARN". 
When I first discussed some of Eli's struggles with someone in our life, their reaction was "I realize he's not normal, but he's going to have to just learn that he can't behave like this!"
First of all, I'd like to mention that I ignored the "not normal" comment. I will save that for another day. :)
However, this person was completely unaware of what ASD & ADHD truly are. These are not things you just "get over". Trust me, I've tried my entire life to ignore ADHD. It doesn't just go away without a lot of hard work, many tools, and a huge support system! So we have begun to learn what is appropriate & what is not, but it's going to be a long road. It takes dealing with meltdowns in the same way I do with our 18 month old- patience, positive reinforcement, persistence, and did I mention patience? I understand that not everyone has the grace to do what I'm doing right now. That's why I pray for this person, because in this situation the child in their life DOES have special needs, and punishment for undesired behavior is definitely not the answer. Kids with ASD, in particular, think literally. 
Hitting = hitting. They see no difference in hitting & "spanking". Yelling = yelling. They see no difference in yelling & "raising your voice". 
In addition, these children are very sensitive. They might not seem to be, but they definitely are. They carry hurts & pain just like everyone else, if not more (because they have an AMAZING memory). So, we should be lovingly guiding them, rewarding positive behavior, hugging them when they will allow it, and understanding that it might be 1 step forward- 5 steps back... But it's teaching them nonetheless. 


So please give us grace just as you would want... in church, in the store, at the pool, and at the zoo. 


Please don't be offended if we can't make your birthday party, even if I RSVPed 2 weeks ago. If I text you at the last minute, you probably don't want us there anyway. We're still figuring things out!


Please feel free to pray for our family, and know that sometimes an offer to pray for us is usually more important than unsolicited advice, especially if you've never been down this road before. 


We're learning so much, and growing closer as a family through this journey! I know God has such an amazing plan for our little guy... just as he does for our other children. I can't wait to see how it all plays out!

Tonight I had my first major FAIL with our 5 year old since we began this journey.


Let me start at the beginning:


It's 4th of July today. This is one of my favorite holidays. Birthdays are #1, but as far as actual holidays goes... 
1. Christmas 
2. 4th of July
3. Valentine's Day


Also, my husband is a huge history buff, which means we love the holiday, but also the meaning behind it all! So, as you can see, it's a big deal to us. 


Every year we go to the big, Independence Day Parade. Our house is on the historic end of town, which means the parade route is at the front of our subdivision. So each year that we've lived at this house we get up early, put on our red, white and blue, and we drive up the street. When our kids are bigger we will probably walk or ride our bikes, but for now driving is best. 


The kids collect stickers from city representatives, candy from Boy Scouts & dance as the marching bands come by. It's perfect! 


Usually after the parade, we head home for lunch. Then the plan is to swim... somewhere! 


After swimming, we BBQ with family and head for the park to watch fireworks. Yes, FIREWORKS! You know, those big booming multicolored explosions? You know, those things that even a calm person can feel in their chest. Right! So, we did that. 


We also forgot the noise-canceling headphones. 


I think you can all imagine what happened from there. Screaming, crying chaos. 


We made it through with his head in my chest & a blanket over his ears, but that little monkey will be enjoying fireworks from the comfort of Grammy's big back window next year. 


Hope you all survived the 4th with your crew! 
​

I haven't updated on our {now} 5 year old in some time & I have fantastic news for you all!


So, back in April we received the "diagnosis" of Autism Spectrum Disorder, Sensory Processing Disorder & ADHD. Wow! As you may recall, I was relieved to know what was going on, but SO overwhelmed. 


Well, we've kept up with his digestional supplements, Gluten-free diet,  no dyes, limited processing. It's a lot, to say the least. BUT... We have seen a huge improvement in his digestion as well as behavior! He is having fewer outburts, and we can occasionally talk him down from the small ones. Now, he is not where I feel he should be by any means, but the good news is THERE IS IMPROVEMENT!


In addition to all that the alternative doctor suggested, we have also begun a few other routines:
• An amber necklace to reduce any inflammation in his body. 
• Chamomile drops 3x a day to calm/soothe him both mentally & internally
• A Himalayan salt lamp to combat the charged ions in our home
• Essential oils with various purposes; Lavender was our go-to previously. Now we also use a blend called "peaceful child" at various times during the day, as well as a blend called "balance"(a grounding blend) that we diffuse throughout the night. 


I feel like all these things are helping us to maintain what could become a very difficult situation. We are beginning to see the *light* in his eyes again. We are starting to see his personality return from the neutral state it was in. 


I feel like the biggest leap recently has been socially. He still can't handle large groups of people, but he is playing with other children besides his siblings & 1 best friend for the first time EVER. He's looking into people's faces that he knows as they talk to him. If you have ever met a child like our 5 year old, you know this is a big deal! 


I just feel so blessed that we get to walk through this together as a family! It's brought us all together in a way that I never would have inagined!


Our next step is to conquer the root of his current, aggressive behavior & outbursts. They are not happening as often, but it seems as though they have gotten more intense. Also, the ADHD that I was so surprised about... has become SUPER obvious! So, we are working with our chiropractor, and took a hair strand test last week. In a few more weeks we will have the results regarding hormone levels, body functions, and potential toxicity. I am really looking forward to seeing the results!


Thanks to everyone who has been supporting us & praying for us! Keep it up!! We are gaining ground, but still have a daily battle to face. 

Today I am writing from the laundry room. It is also the pantry. It is also the room where all the crap hangs out... in many forms... the diaper pail is straight across from me!
Needless to say, I'm feeling quite inspired this morning!


So, last week we were struggling. I was feeling a little hopeless with this new regimen for our 4 year old, finishing up our homeschool year, our 7 year old beginning the craziness of baseball season, working on my childbirth educator certification... the list could go on. These are all things I feel we are supposed to be doing. I was just feeling stretched! 


Then Wednesday happened. I can't explain it. Our 4 year old just woke up in a great mood! 
That NEVER happens! 
He was sweet, patient, kind; the little boy I hadn't seen in quite a while. 
It was an amazing day. We had a few little meltdowns, but I was able to talk him through it! I stuck with the normal routine. I didn't push the little things, as usual, like socks or matching clothes. He even ASKED to do school! 
Again let me remind you... 
THAT NEVER HAPPENS!


I tried not to get my hopes up, but I definitely enjoyed the day. 
I was expecting an absolutely awful day on Thursday. 
It couldn't happen again...
But it did!!!
Then it happened again on FRIDAY!


Please understand, these are not perfect days. These are not even "normal kid" kinda days. But I can honestly say that he was on HIS best behavior about 75% of the time. 
HIS best is all I'm shooting for at this point! Any glimmer of hope is accepted!


Weekends are always rough, especially if there's anything out of the ordinary. This last Saturday we had a birthday party... which I have to always prepare myself for the aftermath. He did really great. His usual 15 minutes at a time with the other kids would be followed by another 15 minutes inside by himself. It was a normal party for him. However, what was also normal for us was the exit. I am so glad we were with friends who understand! haha! We left that party with a moaning 4 year old draped across my shoulder. 


Then we had church the next morning...


So I say all of this as a precursor for this morning. Today, no one woke up in a good mood, in particular a little 4 year old I know. 30 minutes ago, I'm in the bathroom with kids screaming outside the door: 
"I want juice!" "I want breakfast!"
The 1 year old was chanting my name:
"Ma-ma! Ma-ma! Ma-ma!"


It was like before a football game when the players run onto the field... the fog, the lights, the fans chanting their names...
Except I certainly do not get paid like that! 


Today, I am getting paid in poopy diapers, time outs, math worksheets, a whole lot of dirty laundry, & hopefully a really big coffee. 
No judgements. 
It's just where we are!

Today is my first blog back after the Easter & Passover holidays. I decided I needed a break for a couple weeks. I needed time to re-group. 


We have been on this roller-coaster in the past year with our middle son. He is 4 1/2, and has lots of behavioral and social delays on the Autism Spectrum. We are in the very beginning of this process with him. It took me a good 6 months to even use the term "Autism Spectrum Disorder". I felt like if I acknowledged what we were dealing with that I was "labeling" him. I had been carrying around this burden for months, years even; since he first started behaving differently than other kids his age. I felt responsible, almost guilty, for what was happening to my son! There were several moments that I felt had contributed. As parents, it's hard to see your child struggle, and to think that a decision you made could have started it all is often too much. It was for me! The reality though, was that I needed to give it a name. Giving it a name would allow me to start helping him recover. 


I truly believe that he will recover. I have already seen changes since we began certain routines. We have kept him on a strictly Gluten-free diet, and noticed a significant difference within about 3 days, then again at 2 weeks. He's still at that same place now, but any little change is a big one when you're walking through this with your child. We have just begun to dive into all the Essential Oils options (which are SO COOL!), and have an appointment with a natural, alternative doctor next week. 


I am still hopeful. I look forward to the day that he can walk into a room full of other children and not have an anxiety attack. I can't wait to see him have meaningful relationships someday. Sheesh- I look forward to the first day there's not a screaming meltdown over someone talking to him while he's playing! He will do those things. He will do more!


Today as I am writing this, it is Autism Awareness Day. Last year this day meant nothing. Today, however, I am completely aware. This disorder has become a part of my daily life. The motto for the Autism Awareness Month is "Light It Up Blue". People everywhere are wearing blue, putting blue lightbulbs in, and spreading the word that these children are just as "bright" as every other child... just a different light. It holds a special place in my heart, because my special boy's FAVORITE color, to the point of obsession, is BLUE! How perfect is that?! How perfect is he!